I often feel I'm on the fringe of something amazing. You know? Like it's just around the corner, and it's waiting for me... but not in a creepy now-I'm-scared-to-turn-the-corner way.
But it's not. Because amazing things do not wait behind bushes and under corner streetlights for us to happen along as we do nothing other than live. I'm not talking about appreciating the everyday amazing things that happen all around us-- that's a different blog post (and anyway, even those everyday amazing things require action in order to recognize and appreciate the commonplace miracles they are). I'm talking about the amazing things we go through, the revelatory moments that change our lives indefinitely. And I know that sometimes those come without a warning, like the birth of a child. Or they come and they're not positive, at least not in the moment, like the death of someone you love.
But for the most part, those moments of greatness are not thrust upon us, but the things we've worked toward, sought after, fought for.
And so that feeling that something amazing is within my reach is both the lie and the truth; it's there, but it won't spring around the corner, it will hide and run and fight me tooth and nail most times. I won't fall into a finished work of fiction if I don't take the time to write; I won't earn a PhD without ever applying to grad school; and I won't live this life to the edges, if I am clearly content dealing in trivialities.
Here's my newest manifesto, the things worth fighting for, the things that require doing the hard thing:
--Raising two responsible, well adjusted Christian members of society who will contribute to their world in a positive, creative way while pointing to Christ with their choices and their words.
--Sustaining a healthy, interactive relationship with my husband by keeping him my best friend and confidant in all things.
--Educating my students for life beyond the walls of Composition by showing them how to put their writing to work for them, promoting their ideas and thinking critically about life's big decisions
--Writing a book I can be proud of, whether it sees the public light of day or not, by forgiving myself enough to get down the first draft I will most likely not be as proud of.
--Learning and applying the ways of the God I profess to know in a real, meaningful, everyday kind of way that reaches other people. Putting my hands where my mouth is, service behind the words.
No more waiting for the amazing, time to go get it.