Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Nonconfrontations

I am non-confrontational by nature. And apparently, God wants me to grow because lately I've been given several situations in which my only choices are to sit idly by while something bad happens or step in and confront someone.

This quarter has been unique, to say the least. A fight broke out in my classroom, and I teach college, not high school. And this other student-- in the same class-- challenged my authority at every turn, calling me "Sweet Pea" for Pete's sake. And my response is to want to hide my head in the sand and ignore it; wait for this quarter to end, so I can start over with new students and pretend it never happened.

Except that feels horrible. When someone does something that you feel is wrong, something that offends you and you say nothing... it feels like a lie. Like if you keep on saying nothing, they will assume you don't care, and the truth is you do.

Well, I'll tell you the truth. There's no happy ending to this one. I emailed the students involved (coward that I am) and am happily awaiting the LAST class of the quarter tomorrow. I will literally dance my way off campus at last bell. BUT. It will be short lived. Because as my mom put it, it's a violation -- a verbal one, true, but a violation nonetheless, and what did I do? The very least I possibly could. The kids learned nothing about respecting the position of authority-- about boundaries, about common freaking decency.

So I failed. Except, I'm writing this out, I'm analyzing my actions, I'm learning from this sick feeling in my gut.

And I won't fail (in this) again.

1 comment:

  1. *big hug* God's calling me to be stronger in a lot of ways lately, too. I draw strength from your honesty here and hope I can face what lies ahead with courage and commitment.

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