Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Because it's easier

There is a defeatist part of me that wants to just give up on the full time work search. Not that I will. And it's not like I'm all "MUST HAVE CAREER IN ORDER TO BE COMPLETE," I just need the money to help support my family.

Anyway. I have this weird feeling of being physically tied to earth. Like a bird that remembers flying really well; there's this clear picture in my head of what it is like, but whenever I flap my wings and send out those resumes, I remain hopelessly grounded. And I wonder how much ego is too much or not enough? Do I cut bait and remain an adjunct forever or spend the money and precious time I have left with my children pursuing a PhD so I can land full time work? Because the jobs that used to hire you with a master's are getting PhDs applying because this job market sucks that badly. Education may be doing okay, but higher education is taking a hit. Not sure what I need to do; I've got experience in the field and the classroom, a master's GPA of 3.9, excellent (see above the department's average) student evaluation rating, and I can't get an interview? Yeah, maybe I should just accept adjunct status. Forever.

And I'm not actually down. I'm just trying to decide where to draw the line-- egotism, realism, hopefulness, naivete, and having zero faith in myself. Because I promise you, I vacillate between them all day long on this job thing.

And it would be easier to just... quit flapping my wings, accept that I'm a chicken not an eagle, and peck contentedly at the ground. I mean, at least I have work; I know there are plenty who have none.

1 comment:

  1. I took a week break a week ago. Refused to do anything related to the job search. That was good. I mean, as human beings, doing the same task over and over with no results... we're God-programmed to be discouraged in that. Maybe take a break? Not to give up, but to come back feeling less defeated.


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