Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Gullible or kind?

Tonight I let a student off the hook. She came to me, quiet, waiting to speak. She pressed her hand to her lips to stay the trembling, and when she opened her mouth her tears fell in line with her words. "Please," she said. "I'm overwhelmed."

She had extenuating circumstances, a sick relative, but more than that she had an honesty about her. Could she be taking me for a ride? Always a possibility. But I don't think so. And if she is, the worst she can say is that I was too kind, gave her a chance, believed her lie.

But she didn't cry like a liar.

Mostly it was her words--"I'm so tired. I'm overwhelmed" that got her the extension because in those sentences she crystallized my current feelings.

And I touched her hand (because I want someone to touch my hand) and I said, "We can work this out."

And if I ever grow to be so cynical that I stop believing in their tears, I hope I just retire.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The truth is always clearest at night

The truth is, I'm too busy. I like being busy, but this is getting a little out of control. My papers aren't getting graded, my house is messy, and my obligations to friends are just... not happening. But I'm being a good mom, and for some reason, that's been a full time job lately.

And it's actually not in spite of but more because of this fact that I scheduled a haircut for myself on Thursday. Do I have time for this? Not really. I would say that my weekend might be nice, since I have to have the grading done by then, but I have a conference for school on Saturday, church on Sunday, and back to the same old, same old on Monday. I'm a rubber band pulled to the breaking point, hopefully popping back into my circular shape soon. (And it's circular, folks.)

Tonight, I feel sleep pulling me, a gentle tug of the shoulder and the eyelids, and I can't wait to give in, roll over, and let myself go.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

A lost cause

Ever feel like a lost cause? Like the sort of thing people can get behind, but the food they're sending for the kids in Africa is rotting on the beaches? Sometimes I forget that it's okay to put one foot in front of the other, to chip away at life for a while. Not everyday is Broadway lights and singing in the rain.

But I'd like a lot more of them to be. Which means I have to take control of my life, quit plodding and start dancing, choose my steps and my words more carefully.

I have this friend, and she knows what her dreams are, and I really kind of pity her. Because truth be told, I want to finish this novel, I want to teach, but even now at age 37, my dreams are as unarticulated as my words. And that's okay-- because there is nothing more powerful in this world, nothing as hope inducing as possibility.

I choose to live in possibility, shielding my eyes against your brightness, happy in the shadow for now.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Denial Blankets All

If wanting to spend just one day under the covers doing absolutely nothing is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

But seriously, it's always February. This is the month that, as much I love the snow, the lack of sunshine and the hectic schedule make me want to hop a plane to somewhere tropic... or just stay in bed for a day, forgetting all obligations. Which I can't. I have 29 papers to grade before Monday evening, which is actually doable, I think. Of course I collect 25 more papers on Monday and another 12 papers on Wednesday this week. And I'm pretty sure both online courses have papers due this week too... Ugh. Bed, covers, and blankety layers of denial, please.

The thing is, I'm not sad... but I would like to sleep and eat junk food and sort of ignore the world a bit. Is this depression or just the winter blues or something even more benign like wanting a day of pure rest? Is that really so wrong?

How do you cope with the winter blues?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Confession is good for the nerdy soul

You leave for a bit and people join up! I should vacate more often. ;) Haha, welcome to those of you just joining us. This blog is a mish-mash of various what-nots and flibberty-bits. They are the creation of someone with a limited attention span who runs after the shineys.

So. The thing is, I'm a nerd. We writers, well, most of us are nerds. We like sci-fi, enjoy books over movies, and often spend our time with ink spattered on our hands. But I'm a special kind of nerd... this past weekend, I went to Ohayocon, a convention for those (obsessed with) interested in manga and anime, which is Japanese comic books and cartoons.

Yes, I know. *runs after readers* But it's not that bad! I didn't dress up... like these folks:

The Mad Hatter. My friend said his costume is patterened after the new hatter for the movie set to come out with Johnny Depp as the hatter. I loved the comittment of carrying the teacup and saucer around with him all day.

Power Rangers! These guys were a trip and a half. I was taking their pic as they came down the escalator you see behind them, and when they spotted me with the camera, they came running straight at me, one by one, sliding into the position you see here. It was amazing.

These are characters from a video game that I love-- the one in green is my good friend, the one I spent the weekend with. We spent about 3 hours getting her hair dyed the appropriate green and pinning her into her costume. Commitment, folks.

And this is my favorite of the weekend-- he was in character every time we ran into him, smacking his lips and talking in a perfect joker voice. We were in the elevator with him and some other folks at one point, and one of the guys pointed to his friend and said, "He wants to know how you got those scars..." hahaha, wonderful.

The thing about Ohaycon-- this unique shared interest turns 10,000 strangers into hugging (glomping-- anime word for big ol' surprise hug) comrades. There is a level of acceptance here for folks that many most likely don't feel in real life. It's a trip.

Next year? Next year... I might actually join them in dressing up and playing a part for the day. I'm considering this costume because she's a mother of two boys (as am I) and it seems like it'd be fairly easy to make:

And finally, no anime con post is complete without the obligatory peace sign and kitty ears:
Oh hush, you know you wish you were this (crazy) uninhibited.